tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
