I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
