I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
