Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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