i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
