Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
