HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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