a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
