Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
