he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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