i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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