Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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