I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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