I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
