I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My underwear smells like fireworks.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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