I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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