Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
