Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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