when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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