Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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