I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
