So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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