So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
