I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize