remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
