u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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