I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
