no. you can't hotbox the world.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
