im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
