I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
