and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
