3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
