I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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