If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
