I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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