Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
