I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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