Texts From Last Night

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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.

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  (605): I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix. http://tfl.nu/17el
  Replies (7) Good night (2735) Bad night (874)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me

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  (970): I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me http://tfl.nu/ieav
  Replies (10) Good night (5097) Bad night (964)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.

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  (785): I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well. http://tfl.nu/l51l
  Replies (3) Good night (5895) Bad night (952)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.

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  (256): No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep. http://tfl.nu/gby7
  Replies (25) Good night (9419) Bad night (1103)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.

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  (302): NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN. http://tfl.nu/6d9q
  Replies (10) Good night (2188) Bad night (1170)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously

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  (314): great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously http://tfl.nu/gl7l
  Replies (10) Good night (850) Bad night (2438)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.

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  (778): It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman. http://tfl.nu/chx9
  Replies (8) Good night (1918) Bad night (1550)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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  (647): A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe". http://tfl.nu/rgh4
  Replies (6) Good night (1415) Bad night (2133)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.

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  (306): No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke. http://tfl.nu/zs7w
  Replies (5) Good night (698) Bad night (1200)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.

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  (847): We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude. http://tfl.nu/9etc
  Replies (9) Good night (1763) Bad night (732)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings

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  (412): I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings http://tfl.nu/tlmy
  Replies (5) Good night (1353) Bad night (1696)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.

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  (662): I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck. http://tfl.nu/9thm
  Replies (4) Good night (483) Bad night (745)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing

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  (218): My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing http://tfl.nu/4jwd
  Replies (0) Good night (518) Bad night (410)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now

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  (407): At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now http://tfl.nu/jv07
  Replies (0) Good night (673) Bad night (349)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs

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  (+61): i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs http://tfl.nu/4xpf
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (374)

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