I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go