No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.