I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.