She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
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my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.