meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"