would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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