Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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