he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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