We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
