She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
