I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
