i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Michael Bay diarrhea
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
