I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize