I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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