DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
