I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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