i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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