Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
