now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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