OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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