why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
