Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
