I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Green mimosas i think yes
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
