my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
