quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
