So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
this is an emotional support booty call
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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