Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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