there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
