did you get engaged???
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
