For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
