you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
