And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize