is your mom at the bar?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
