I'm so fucking centered right now
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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