We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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