why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
