that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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