My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize